Megan Roup x Sophie Elkus Bridal Chat

M: Hey TSSFam, Megan here and I'm so excited to have my friend Sophie Elkus with me. She is a digital content creator and if you do not follow her on all things social or handle is @sohpieelkus. She's also getting married this fall and we are so excited to chat with her about all things bridal. It It is really important to us at TSS to try to create a positive mindset around the entire wedding planning process and I know Sophie, that's really important to you. So we're really excited to pick your brain and hear all your tips and tricks. So let's just dive into it.

M: First off, I know a lot of women have dreamt about their entire wedding day since they were little girls. Is that something that you have dreamed about? 

S: Honestly, no, I was never one of those girls who had a vision from a young age of what I thought my wedding might look like. It just felt like this far off, distant thing I would say as my relationship really progressed and as the years went on, we did things out of order a little bit. We bought a house together and moved in together in 2020. I think after that stage the idea of getting engaged kind of became more present in my mind slowly, day after day. Then once that happened, it was so exciting. It felt like this big moment. And once the dust settled from that, it sort of struck me like wow, okay, the wedding. It wasn't really until that point that I then started to envision what I thought it might look like. 

M: Well, first of all, I love that you had an unconventional dating process. I think so many of us feel like there needs to be so many rules around dating. You get engaged, you move in, you get married and so I love that yours wasn't necessarily traditional. I also can completely relate like I definitely was not someone who had this clear vision of what my wedding day would look like. I actually envied the girls and the women out there who did because so part of me was like, I wish I had something in mind for all of it and knew exactly what I wanted because I think the wedding process can feel very overwhelming if you don't necessarily have that vision. So many choices and options and you definitely need to narrow down so you can start building a path forward. 

M: Speaking about planning, how is that going for you? 

S: It's coming. It's a slow process. And as we have talked about, I'm getting married in Italy. So the structure around planning has been a little bit different. We have an amazing planner over there, but the sort of cultural differences are more evident, I would say than having a wedding in the US and I mean, I just think I planned a very small wedding in the US and that was so stressful. 

M: So the idea of planning a wedding overseas, I mean, that just must be the added layer of stress. It must feel like that’s definitely slowed things down from a communication standpoint, obviously with the time change.

S: I find myself trying to think big picture about the fact that it's yes, it's a very important day and I want everything to be “perfect,” which nothing ever really is, but I'm trying to enjoy the process as much as possible because I think everyone's that tells you it'll come and go so quickly. And then all you have are the photos and the memories. So yeah, it's been a journey.

M: As stress arises around what are things you're doing to kind of combat that and make it feel I mean, yes, like perspective is definitely helpful, right? Making sure that you're, you're seeing the big picture, but are you doing anything that's been helpful?

S: I would say, planning a wedding, as far as stress is to me like any other big thing that I have to tackle and I always try to come back to the daily routines and things that I know are tried and true that ground me feel immediately better, which is not anything new, but working out moving my body. I meditate twice a day and try to twice a day. And if I haven't if a few days have gone by words and busy and I haven't worked out, I haven't meditated. I haven't just taken a moment to myself. I start to feel it rising a little bit and then little things really frustrate me more than they more than they might have. And that's like anything, obviously wedding is is one stressful thing but it's like anything in life and when I start to feel that way, I'm like okay, I need to take a step back and get back to the basics.

M: And how is your partner been? Is he who gets more stressed and situations and planning?

S: We get stressed about different things. We are very different in that he's great at the contracts and negotiating the big logical parts of it. And I am a detail oriented person and he gets a little frustrated because I zoom in so quickly to just the finest detail. Maybe this the one source of our if you could even call them silly arguing that yes I'm constantly in the leaves and he's got the weed whacker or just relax. 

M: But I think if anyone's watching this and they're going through that planning process, they can definitely relate and I think I mean, how if you guys are coming to the points of contention, like what do you guys do to work through a stressful you're in the details?

S: I mean, at the end of the day, it is silly, it's not that serious. And it's such a joyful moment. And I think we're a good team and that we don't really fight about details like that. It's more it's more that we're both so excited about it and I have this vision for how I want it to look and he's the one bringing me back down to planet earth.

M: Space fitness many people or you know for whatever confinements are working with what I envision might not might be difficult to to come to fruition but yeah, well, I love that I can totally relate. I'm trying to think about how Morgan and I communicate and over those situations and it was just, I think to also just feeling like someone's on your team to in those stressful, stressful situations and just being able to maybe vocalize frustration and you're both maybe frustrated with how communication was going with with your Italian bridal planner or different scenarios that I can definitely relate I know for Morgan and I. We had planned we got engaged and we were planning a fairly big wedding in Mexico and then the pandemic hit, and quickly things had to pivot and change and we had to be flexible with with what we envisioned initially where you know, the destination would be and what our wedding would look like and I think just being open minded and knowing that like, you know, we thought we would have all of our friends there and now we have only immediate family and it's going to be a small wedding and, and just to kind of embrace all of it. Yeah, and all the changes. 

S: Yeah, it's such an important lesson and I feel like obviously COVID was a much larger scale on what you guys had to deal with. But I'm finding the whole process to be a constant lesson in pivoting and you have one idea but it doesn't really work for x, y, and z reasons and you have to be flexible and just know that everything will be fine. It's cheesy, but it does work out. And it's also I think for us it being a destination wedding that's presented challenges with, you know, close people to ask that we would love to be there who can't be there for various reasons. Obviously. You're one of them.

M: I was supposed to go to her wedding, but the weddings literally the day before I'm due. 

S: So there's basically no way I'm heartbroken example of something that I would have loved and really want. Yeah, but you just have to know going into a destination wedding. You have to know that. Not everyone's going to be able to come Yeah, and that's okay. And you have to be so grateful for the things that are there. And know that you know, works out. 

M: I think a lot of the TSS brides have written in on you know how to have an authentic wedding that brings in your own personality and without comparison, I know there's a lot of Instagrammable weddings out there and there's just can be a lot of pressure so how are you bringing in your own personality, your relationship into the wedding planning process? 

S: This is such a good question. I feel like this is the first thing that we talked about. After the engagement, excitement kind of died down. You kind of looked at each other and said, like, what do we want this to look like? I feel like there's so many weddings that didn't don't feel like us. And it was important to me to not just follow the guidebook of what you're supposed to do at a wedding and I think the beauty of having a wedding is you can do it however you want. You don't have to do anything. So I think we really tried to make that, and we're still going through this now but thinking about what schedule do we want, you know, traditionally, the couple comes out into this grand entrance like do we want to do that? Does that feel a little bit cheesy? Because not that there's anything wrong with that, but I think just going through the elements of what makes a wedding a wedding and then just kind of checking in and thinking, does this feel like us? Does it feel like a performance kind of? And I think, yeah, that's something that that is important to me is making sure that nothing feels forced. We're not having a traditional bridal party which is something of you non traditional, so we’re not having any bridesmaids or groomsmen as of now we are not doing that. I mean, we have obviously very close friends who know that they would be our chosen people if we were doing that, but I think we liked the idea of it just being the two of us and the person who's marrying us during our ceremony. And I think it's just checking in and really feeling like all the decisions you're making feel like you in that decision, and really feel safe and comfortable to us. So we're just trying to kind of go through our wedding plan with that. 

M: Yeah, I mean, I think that can probably alleviate some stress too. I feel like we didn't have that because the wedding was so small. We didn't have bridesmaids or groomsmen but I feel like that oftentimes can bring in a lot of stressful moments of like friends maybe whose feelings are hurt or that they weren't a part of the party or I don't know there's more personalities and more opinions involved. And more than anything, I just wanted all of our guests to show up feeling relaxed feeling like they didn't have to be anywhere at a certain time or there was this really rigid schedule, you know, a lot of So that's kind of where that decision came from, but there's obviously pros and cons to doing that. 

M: One thing that we [TSS] are focused on surrounding expectations for your wedding is also reevaluating our belief systems about our body and what they should look like on our wedding day. I think so many people can relate to feeling that immense pressure to shred for the wedding or just look like a different version of ourselves on our wedding day. And so how are you staying grounded? How are you taking the pressure off of to look a certain way for your wedding?

S: It's such a good question. I think I always try to come back to the fact that usually, you know, we are our own worst critic. And when you go out into the world worried about a certain thing about the way you look, people either have no idea they're not even noticing it or even thinking about you. Obviously if you are the bride at a wedding, it's a little bit different because there's so much attention on you but I think I just tried to come back to the things that really ground me like working out, getting enough sleep, feeling really good in my body, and just losing the need for things to be perfect all the time because I was trying to tell myself like the body is a moving, breathing living thing. It's not a static photograph that's going to look a certain way 24/7. You eat, you feel and look a little bit different. You wake up, you eat and you know, everything you do during the day kind of changes. It's fluid. So I always try to think about that. And I think for me also everyone has, I guess little things that bother them. I hate when I wake up feeling puffy. If I've, you know, eaten a salty meal, I don't get enough sleep, and I just feel like I can see it in my face. I would say for me that's more so than a way or the way my body looks. I'm hyper focused on feeling like that and I try to try not to let it consume me but I also on the flip side, try to give myself permission to do whatever I need to do to feel good whether it's, you know, maybe going to bed a little bit earlier the night before and not feeling pressure to stay out with friends. Obviously, we're having a three day wedding abroad so there'll be late nights and lots of people wanting to stay out and I think I always try to come back early, it's okay to do whatever you need to do to feel good. Maybe you're not drinking as much or at all on certain parts of your wedding but just doing whatever I need to do to feel my best and I think that's all you can.

M: I think gosh, you know, I hear so many times so much over and over again that like, I'll be happy when I look a certain way or I'll be happy when and I think you know, I can relate to that feeling too. But it's so important that we get happiness, right because oftentimes we get to that place, it's a moving target and it continues to move and you never find that happiness so figuring out how can we be happy in the present moment and now and also reminding yourself to you know, wanting to look like yourself on your wedding day. Your partner fell in love with you as you are, not the future, thinner, version of you. Also thin doesn't mean more beautiful or more happy. And I think those are all things we hear as women over and over again and are bombarded with within messaging. So how can we reevaluate and really, like tune into that belief system that we're hearing those constant messages and like what do we actually believe about our own bodies? I think there's so much to that, but it does start with that internal conversation you're having with yourself about your body, and being kind to yourself. Making the choice to be like me, I want to look like myself on my wedding day. And I know for me that was something I really wanted to feel like myself, everything from my makeup, to how I felt in my dress. I wanted to just feel like my authentic self, even though I did feel a little bit of pressure leading up to my wedding. It was a very intentional decision to not try and change anything. And that was hard for me. But I'm so looking back. I'm so happy I didn't because I felt like myself. And I felt present. 

S: Yeah, especially there's so many opinions involved in a wedding. From planning the decor to maybe you're trying on dresses with friends or family, your mom, whoever. I think it's important to, like you said, look and feel like yourself, and sometimes it's hard to have all these opinions on what other people think you should do or wear look like and if you and my experience I found that if I listened to those opinions, it's always that gut feeling of something isn't right. And then I show up in that moment unfortunately just feeling like I don't feel like myself. So I'm trying to definitely take opinions from as few people as possible and the ones that I really trust but also with a grain of salt and just know that you know, it's no one else about you in that. 

M: I'm also not saying that you need to not work out or eat healthy, eating up right there is nothing wrong with wanting to feel your best. I think there is a big difference between the notion of shredding for your wedding and feeling your strongest, most confident self on your wedding day. So if that does mean getting in movement or you know, attempting to eat maybe more whole foods, whatever it may be, those are all great things because that leads to feeling better and feeling good and starting to get in those those habits, those daily rituals and practices that do make you feel your best and so there's nothing wrong with that. I just, I think I'm trying to change the conversation of needing to really shred which to me means, you know, looking like a different person. 

S: Yeah, a drastic change from who you are.

M: And it's also a celebratory time. Like I feel like I've seen people leading up to a wedding. People can be so worried about, you know, in the days prior what they're doing or eating or not working out, but I also feel like I don't want to look back and not have thought I wasn’t myself. 

S: But of course, like you said, Everyone is entitled to feel a certain way. And it's yeah, I hesitate to make broad statements, I guess about what they should or shouldn't feel but I do think there's so much pressure from society and the way that we should look on this one day. 

M: I think it's so important to enjoy those days as weeks leading up to your wedding and really serve the day surrounding your wedding and I think it's the same with movement you know movement is, as I always say it's for the rest of your life and finding a movement practice that's joyful. And then it doesn't turn into something that becomes a punishment surrounding your wedding, right, because that's a slippery slope, in and of itself.